All Prepped Up and Nowhere to Go

I’m still trying to wrap my head around all this. As usual, my sick sense of humor seems to be rising to the forefront. This morning I woke up around 4am, and as I stared out into the darkness, I started thinking what it would be like if for-profit healthcare was like retail for-profit businesses. In that case, I’d probably be delaying my surgery until they ran the “Buy a hysto, get a lipo for FREE” special. (Offer not valid without coupon. Liposuction limited to the abdominal area. No refunds. Void where prohibited. Cash value of coupon is $0.001)

If you don’t understand where my head is at after that last statement, I’m not sure what else I can say.

With that being said … I’ve had a real red-letter day. Not only have I done both my physician pre-op and my hospital pre-op, but I bought my books for the fall semester.

I bought my books today because it will be all I can do to make the start of classes in three weeks, much less buy my books. So it was off to the bookstore for me. Get this – the books for my five classes ran me over $500. That’s just fucking insane. Actually, I only spent $300+ at the actual bookstore, because it’s so early that they haven’t stocked all my books yet. I spent another $225 online getting the rest.

My first instinct is to buy all books online and have them shipped to the house. Afterall, I always prefer to sit on my ass and do my shopping on the couch – just ask anyone who has ever received a gift from me. But the bookstore link on the website goes directly to, and they are less than forthcoming about the details of the books. Half the time I can’t even get a full title or author’s name, so an ISBN is waaaay to much to ask. Without that, it’s kind of hit or miss whether I’m getting the right books. So ordering from them is the only way to make sure I get the right stuff.

Unfortunately, it’s also the best way to assure I’m paying the most possible for these hideously overpriced books. I am only slightly comforted by knowing that, based on what I paid for last semester’s books, even Amazon and other “cheap” booksellers are not that much less expensive. But what really chapped my ass is when I checked the shipping prices to order online and have the books sent to my house. The shipping rates are based on the dollar amount of the purchase, and believe me, they aren’t cheap. So basically you have a situation where the distributor is charging horribly inflated shipping rates based on the horribly inflated book prices. Wow. That’s one hell of a scam. I should buy stock. Only I can’t, because I spent all my spare cash on the fucking books. Geez. But at least it’s off my plate, because I’ve got enough to worry about in the next few days without dealing with textbook issues.

I had my pre-op with my surgeon this morning. I had to sign a bunch of papers acknowledging all sorts of legalese – including that I realize that having a hysterectomy will render me sterile and unable to have children. Well duh! The really hilarious part is that was even in all caps. Ladies and gents, your doctor’s insurance premiums at work. There were pages and pages that had to be initialed and signed, detailing possible complications and side effects – including but not limited to: complications requiring further surgery, colostomy and, my all time favorite… death! Yay!

My hospital pre-op was next on the agenda. I had to sign the same papers and was treated to the privilege of giving blood. If I’m not on Dracula’s Christmas list now, I never will be. But I did get a look at the hospital, which, believe it or not, was encouraging. This town has three hospitals, including two large medical centers. The hospital where my procedure will be performed is a very small facility, only 15-20 beds. It’s more like a hotel than a hospital. Every room is private, they have a chef on staff, there’s free wireless internet, every room has a guest fridge, and the rooms have a padded “Guest Information” binder, just like a hotel. I only got a quick glance at the binder, but I saw a menu page and a list of available music selections. So maybe my stay will be a little more comfortable than the usual hospital holiday.

Which, aside from the knowledge that I’ll never have to endure a period again, is one of the only bright spots I’ve been able to find. The next few weeks aren’t going to be much fun, but I’m trying to make the most of it. Beau Hunk had the idea of ordering up a few dorky movies from our online account – stuff he won’t want to watch, but might amuse me. I can even use the DVD player on the laptop to watch from the comfort of my bed. I’ve also picked out a couple of interesting (but not complex) books to read, and have updated and put a fresh charge on my iPod. That should give me a nice array of activities for various forms of consciousness. Which I suspect is going to come in mighty handy in the next week.

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